Less than 5 weeks to go!

I'm due a month from tomorrow but I'm pretty confident I'll be a little bit early.  Maybe I shouldn't do that to myself, just in case I'm not, but I just have this feeling about it.  I'm due July 29th and my midwife is leaving the country for 10 days on Aug. 1st!  I'm not all that concerned because I've heard great things about her back-up gal but it really is possible that I'll be early and still get to have the midwife I know best.  After all,  I was 3 days early with Micah. 

Yes, you did hear me say "midwife".  This is my 6th child and I'm finally taking the plunge and having a home birth.  Now if YOU would have told me that 16 years ago or even 13 years ago, no wait, how about 11 years ago or even 9 years ago, I would have said, "yeah, right!"  My first 4 children were all born in a hospital with the big guns shot into my spin to numb the whole scary experience.  I marveled at how women gave birth without drugs and was never motivated to even give that a try.

When I became pregnant with Micah, I was willing to give it a whirl to see if I could avoid the strange man, who I don't know, coming in with a foot long needle to mess around with my spine and also all those papers I had to sign giving up my rights just in case I turned out paralyzed after the fact.

I chose a happy medium and had Micah in a Birthing Center naturally with no drugs!  I was just as shocked as you.  I did it.  I can't say I wanted to do it again right away but it was a good feeling knowing it was possible.  I kept my cool right up until the end when I panicked for about a minute or two while I pushed my precious baby out.  I had never felt that part before.  I look back and am grateful I only pushed for 4 minutes and he was born.  Did I focus on the Lord and his promises?  Not really.  It was so fast and intense, I completely forgot about Him.  I'm sorry to say.

So this time we've decided to have a home birth.  We live 5 min. from the hospital so that's comforting, just in case, but let's not think about that possibility.  I'm just so glad I get to choose to have a baby in our own home with a supportive husband and caregiver who can help me.  I've been reading a lot about all this and they say the more a woman can relax, the better and quicker her labor will be.  All those years ago, the hospital was where I could relax best.  Knowing all those professionals were around me, just in case, put my mind at ease.  Knowing I could have a painless labor put my mind at ease. 

 But this time, I'm looking forward to relaxing in my own home, not having to sign my life away or have interventions imposed on me.  I'm looking forward to knowing every person who walks in my room.  Being able to move around if I want without an IV stuck in my arm is also a plus.  The best part is being able to drink water or juice during labor to quench the insatiable thirst that arrises.  That was never allowed in the hospital. 

A girlfriend said to me recently,  "Gee Kristin, you do this different every time!"  I guess I do.  It's fascinating how God changes our perspectives and gives us strength where we thought we had none.  

Oh, I do hope to focus on the Lord more during this labor.  For He has promised to keep me in peace if my mind is stayed on Him.  

A Mother's Heart

I've been so busy this pregnancy that I haven't had a chance to prepare to have another child.

Around the middle of the 7th month, I began to feel the stress of this fact.  I had some underlying thoughts and emotions about not being able to love this one as much as all the rest.  And. . . (probably because I was too busy) I felt that I wouldn't have enough time to spend with all 6 equally.

Oh, I was prepared in the sense of having everything I needed to have a baby but mentally and emotionally I was not prepared at all.  

I realized I needed time to think through some of these issues and let God renew my mind.  I looked at my calender and realized that after June 10th, I would have nothing scheduled!  Yeah!  I was and am determined to not fill the last 6 weeks of this pregnancy with anything stressful if I have any say in the matter.

I also sat down and began to think through some of my reservations about having 6 children under my care.  God so gently reminded me that he does not give us the ability to love in measured out increments.  In other words, He hasn't given me 5 cups of love for mothering and no more so that I have to spread those cups between 6 kids.  He gives me as much love as I need for each child.

He also showed me that I do not have to worry about having enough time for this little person.  We have a house full of people who will meet the needs of each person in our family.  It's not all up to me.  If one of my children needs to talk all they have to do is ask me.  If I'm not available, there are many other siblings or their Father that will talk to them.  A large family has different needs than that of an only child.  

I feel much better since I've been able to think through what I believe about these two concerns for mothers of large families.

One afternoon as I sat down to put up my feet, the beginning of a poem kept running through my head.  Now this is a first for me.  I do not write poetry. . . EVER!  I can't even tell you what type of poem this is but it just came so easily as I pondered the baby within me.  Soon, everything will change and I will be holding this baby in my arms instead of caressing my growing and active belly.  Life will make a definite transition and this baby will have a name and personality to be observed by all. This is the poem I wrote for our new little one.

Do you know a Mother's Heart?

One who dreams and sings for many things

To hold you and kiss you

To love you and miss you. . .

This you know is a Mother's Heart.

Do you know your Mother's Prayer?

One who pleads and groans for qualities your own.

A faith that holds, a conscience that's pure

A wisdom that leads, a salvation thats sure

This, you know, is your Mother's Prayer

Do you know your Mother's Love?

She who is safe and kind and does not bind.

She is patient with you , she gives you her time

She believes in you, as she watches you fly

This you know, is how a Mother loves

Love, Kristin

A Little Decorating for my Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday and I wanted to go to the Christmas Tree Shop.  This is a store that a friend had told me about and she gave it such high reviews that she claimed it as her favorite store!  I immediately pictured Christmas decorations and had no interest in going there.  That's the last thing I need is more Christmas decor.  But then I started getting the ads for it in the mail and there wasn't one Christmas item in them?  Instead, there was lots of cute and cheap stuff for sale and some of it caught my eye.

Like this bookshelf.  I've been searching for a couple night stands in white that weren't too pricey but also were sturdy so when bumped they wouldn't fall over.  I also wanted it to be more than just a table top but also have some functional purpose.  A drawer would be nice or cupboard or these shelves!

I also got this lantern looking light and it was only $7.  It uses a nightlight type light so it isn't a good reading lamp but creates a nice low light setting.  I thought it would come in handy in the middle of the night when the baby awakens and needs to be fed.

By the way, I have to say that we didn't buy all this stuff ourselves for my birthday but used birthday money sent to me.  I bought this nice floor lamp so I can sit in my chair in our bedroom and read.

And then I found these pretty place mats for only 50 cents each on clearance. They match my kitchen perfectly with the blue and red.

My favorite item that my family bought me are these ducks!  They each picked one to represent themselves and bought them for me!

This is me at 44 years old after my baby's born since you see him or her hanging off my back!

These are the different ones that my children picked.  They are only $2 each for the small ones and $6 for the large ducks that have the babies on them.  I just love this gift because not only is it cute but it has meaning to me.

I don't usually do posts on decorating so I hope this struck you as fun and not meaningless.  I like to think of my style of decorating as "cottage style" and not country but it always seems to look country instead.  I have so many friends whose decorating style is eccentric and they make it work!  I'm not so creative and that style isn't really me anyway, even though I like it.

Oh, did I mention that my husband bought me an apple pie instead of cake for my birthday?  I love pie so much more than cake.  Apple pie and vanilla ice cream is a dreamy dessert!  I'm glad my husband knows me well! He never could have picked out all these decorative items on his own for me but desserts he knows well! 

My Life . . . Boring?

 My life is sooo NOT boring!  Especially with little Micah around.  After posting about him getting lost and then CPS investigating our family, we had about a month and 1/2 reprieve.  Normal life resumed with me trying to finish up school with the kids.  Throw 2 birthdays in there and an 8 day anniversary trip out of the country and our focus was quickly on other things.  Oh!  And as I'm thinking back on why I haven't blogged and what did I do during April and May, I'm remembering dentist appointments for 4 out of 5 kids, plus myself, a guest who stayed with us for about 5 days, and my parents came for a week!

Then on May 11th, while I was at the dentist getting two fillings replaced, Micah had an "episode."  We called it a seizure because we've seen "spells" like this before with our oldest daughter, Olivia.  Good thing Rich had just come home for lunch when it happened.  Micah just seemed to slip into another world for a really long time.  He was unresponsive with his eyes open and head back.  His body went limp so Rich rushed him to the ER which is literally 7 minutes from our house.  Micah finally came to when Rich had carried him all the way into the ER and was checking in.  We estimate the whole thing lasted 10-15 minutes.  

Of course, we spent the next 4 hours at the ER doing blood tests, X-rays, urine tests, and a CT scan of his brain.  The picture above is of him in the hospital with an IV in his arm.  When I got home from the dentist, the kids told me what happened so I rushed over to meet Rich at the ER.  Micah snuggled right into my arms and fell asleep.  He kept doing that in between tests, sleeping.  Having your brain shut down and restart really makes you tired.  Olivia used to sleep for at least an hour after having a seizure.

All the memories of Olivia and her first "episodes" came flooding back to us.  It's been at least 12 years since we first learned about epilepsy and seizures.  She grew out of them and has been seizure free for 4 years now and better yet, doesn't require any medication to keep her that way.  Praise God, that years of praying for her, he chose to honor our prayers so that she struggles with this no more.

So what did we do next?  More appointments were needed.  Since May 11th, Micah has seen a neurologist for a consultation and May 25th he had an EEG conducted to see if he has any abnormal brain activity and when does this occur.  For a child who has only seen a doctor a handful of times in his little life and most of those were during his first year, he has cooperated marvelously.  I couldn't be more proud of him.  

Above, the EEG technician is drawing on his head, measuring and marking where to put the electrodes.  She let him draw with a big red marker on the hospital sheets to occupy him!  It's washable but I just hope he doesn't think this is ok at home.

 Here he is with all the electrodes on his head.  He does look like he came out of a Si-Fi movie!

Then she wrapped this gauze around his head to hold everything in place.  He was done at this point and ready to get down but she tempted him to stay by telling him it was time to play some games.  She flashed a blinking light in his face and he was to open and close his eyes when she told him to.  He did great at this game.  Then she gave him a pinwheel to blow on to make it spin.  He was supposed to keep blowing for 2 whole minutes without stopping!  Well, if any of you have ever tried this, it's pretty hard and makes you light headed.  He lasted about a minute and then just gave up.  We tried to get him to keep going but he kept simply saying "no".  He was also supposed to sleep while there so they turned out the lights and gave him a pillow.  How you are supposed to sleep with all that stuff on your head plus 3 people in the room waiting for you to fall asleep is beyond me.  Olivia never slept for these tests and neither did Micah even though we had only given him 6 hours the night before.  Of course when he got home and I put him down for a nap, he slept for 5 hours!

We have yet to get the results from this test.  I suspect they will be abnormal because Micah had his 2nd episode this afternoon.  We have been keeping an extra eye on him just in case for the past 2 weeks.  I was at a friends house this afternoon and all the kids were playing upstairs.  Anytime he is out of my sight, I make sure someone is with him.  Julia was upstairs with all the little ones (my friends kids and Micah) when we heard her calling us.  She was saying, "Micah is having another seizure."  By the time we reached the top of the stairs, he was coming out of it but I could tell he'd had another "spell".  He was wobbly and listless in his eyes.  He collapsed on my shoulder and wouldn't speak.  I held him for a bit and talked to him.  After about a min. or two, he spoke and then wanted to go play some more.

No, life is not dull around here.  This could be the beginning of Micah being diagnosed with Epilepsy.  Not really a part of my plans for my life or his but I know that God is in control and will protect him.  I would appreciate your prayers when you think of us trying to keep him safe.

8 1/2  weeks to go and I'll be having another baby.  After my in-laws visit the beginning of June, this is what we'll all be getting ready for.  What a whirlwind!  I haven't even had a chance to really think about it!  It's getting hard to forget that I'm pregnant since I'm getting so large and every night I'm reminding as this little one moves and kicks me while I sleep, but I still feel like this has been the fastest pregnancy I've ever experienced.  Let's hope the delivery is just as quick!

I'm Tired

Do you ever find yourself thinking about nothing?  Lately that's been happening to me and I think it's because I'm tired.

The last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind for us.  After we experienced one of the most scariest moments of our lives (see previous post), the next day CPS was knocking on my door.  Yes, you heard right, Child Protective Services wanted me to call them so they could schedule an appointment with me!  This nightmare seemed to keep going.  How was I supposed to get over the emotional trauma of almost losing my baby with the prospect of the government questioning my every move and investigating our family?

I've heard horror stories of CPS taking children away from good parents who were just a bit fanatical in the eyes of the common individual.  We are considered fanatics too.  I'm sorry but religious people who home school, don't vaccinate and who have large families are just plain weird.  I personally don't think so, but some do.  So after CPS tried to contact me, I laid awake that night having visions of being hauled off to jail!

To make a long story much shorter, I'll just give you a simple version to explain why I'm so tired.  Because we called 911 the day Micah got lost, the police had to report it to CPS.  He assured me it was just a formality and they would probably just do a phone interview.  Not!  We had a full on interview in person with a CPS worker who drilled us beyond what I ever thought.  She had to interview all our children and we aren't talking about just names and hobbies but to our surprise, included many sexual abuse questions. Doctors names were asked, 3 references and a picture of our children was taken at the end.

This was a very stressful experience for our whole family but we learned many things through it.

1.  I learned that even though so many of our friends were well meaning in their advice, we in the end had to do what we felt God wanted us to.  Many friends, who maybe wouldn't have chosen to cooperate with CPS and give out all that personal information to the government, are still our friends.  We had to make the final decision before God on behalf of our family and we felt if we cooperated it would help our case instead of hinder it.  After all, we had nothing to hide.

2.  God reminded me that a clear conscious before Him is what really matters.  I love my children very much and take care of them to my best ability.  A few comments from friends really helped me with the guilt of Micah getting lost while under my supervision.  One friend said, " you can't keep your eyes on them at ALL times.  Don't beat yourself up about it".  Another friend said, " hind sight is always 20/20." These words of encouragement really stuck with me and relieved those accusations in my head.

3.  God also reminded me that Satan is my enemy, not the government.  This CPS worker is a human being loved by God just as much as I am.  So I began to pray for her and against Satan instead.  When we met, I saw a young Mom, weary from life and a depressing job.  At the end of our interview, Rich asked her if we could pray for her and her face lit up and she said, "Oh yes!  I can use all the prayer I can get!"

I don't want to go through all that again but I'm glad we had the experience.  Our family once again united together and tried to help each other deal with fear and the emotional stress of feeling like we were guilty of neglect when we weren't.  We are closer to each other because of it and our relationship with the Lord has been strengthened also.

Here are a few pictures Olivia has taken this week of the blossoms outside!

Olivia had a trophy festival last weekend where she had to play a piece from memory in front of a judge and then the judge would critique her and help her perfect it.

While I'm so glad that the CPS interview is over (we are now just waiting to hear if the case is closed or not) I'm tired from the stress of it.  I want life to move on and get back to being able to focus on other things like house work!  Mundane things are so much less stressful!  But I'm realizing, I'm tired and need everything to just stop a while.

What I probably need is a night out with my husband!  Maybe I'll try and work that into our schedule this week!

One of my Top 10 Scares!

As a parent I've had many scares with my children.  When Olivia began having grand mal seizures at the age of 4, I freaked out.  She is fine now and has grown out of her epilepsy in case you are wondering.  We lost her at the zoo one time on one of their busiest days, that was really scary too.  When Anthony accidentally ingested some peanut butter and had to go to the emergency because his breathing was labored; that was also very traumatic (he is allergic to PB).  Julia has had pneumonia several times and I remember a time when Rich rushed her to the emergency when she was little and listening to her breathing in the backseat made him extremely anxious.  But it's been along time since anything scary has happened in our family . . . until Thursday.

After lunch my children ride their bikes to their piano lessons.  Dominic Reece doesn't take piano so the other three accompanied him to a friends house on the way so I was left alone with Micah for a peaceful afternoon, so I thought.  I decided to sit outside and read to him in the sunshine.  It was a beautiful 70* day in Texas and we both wanted to enjoy it.  Micah seriously loves to be outside for any reason.  When the children all left on their bikes he cried and I had to physically pull him into the house so they could all leave and he wouldn't escape out the gate. 

After we read, the breeze was blowing and the sun was so warm and nice that we just sat there and snuggled and sang songs together.  It was nap-time so I took him to the bathroom and he did his business which always gets him a treat.  So while he ate his treat, I was checking e-mail.  I was distracted and glanced out the window to the backyard because I saw Micah riding his trike outside.  We bought him a small tricycle for Christmas that he rides around the house and outside too.  The door was open because of the nice weather so he was just trying to get his trike outside to ride it around our deck.  The wind had really picked up and was opening and closing our gate to the driveway.  I heard it banging and could no longer see Micah from where I was sitting but he knows he isn't supposed to go out there alone.  I finished what I was reading and then went to check on him.  His empty tricycle sat there on the deck.  The gate was closed but I was pretty sure he had gone out the gate to the driveway.  I ran out in my socks and called for him, opening the gate expecting to see him standing there or at least he'd be in the driveway.  Nothing.  I jogged (not ran because I'm pregnant and was in my socks) to the end of our driveway to look down the alley.  I looked in both directions but he wasn't there.  Oh my Gosh!  I had just seen him.  He couldn't be far.   

I hurried back in to get shoes calling for him wondering if he had gone next door to see if he could jump on the neighbors new trampoline.  He had been over there with his brothers recently. I got my shoes and ran down the alley to the neighbors and looked through the slats of their fence hoping to see my little boy.  Nothing.  I kept calling his name and ran down to to the end of the alley to see if he was on our street.  I heard children playing but the noise was coming from the backyard of a neighbor I didn't know.  Where could he have gone?  Maybe he hadn't left the yard after all?  Maybe he was playing in the house.

I hurried down the other direction of the alley just to make sure he wasn't playing in the driveway of another neighbors house.  The wind was blowing and it was so quiet.  I called . . . no answer.  I kept running out of my shoes because they were just old slip ons that I had grabbed.  Before I check the whole neighborhood, I need to make sure he is not in the yard or in the house somewhere.  I don't want to go walking off and leave a 2 1/2 yr old at home alone!

The yard was still.  I looked in the shed since the door was open.  I looked on the side of the house.  I searched in all the rooms all the while calling his name.  Silence . .  . I grabbed a better pair of shoes and the phone as I went back out to the alley.  One place I hadn't looked was straight through the houses to the busy street that lay beyond.  I decided to call Rich because I needed help looking.  I was getting no where by myself.  

No answer.  I looked up and down the busy street but there was no Micah.  "Oh God, please help me find him!"  The last place to look was the walking path where the creek lay in the greenbelt.  It's about a half a block from our house but God forbid he would be there!  I called Rich again and he answered and I burst into tears.  "I can't find him.  Micah is nowhere and there is no one to help me look!"

I saw a man standing outside his white truck looking at me.  He looked like a city worker and when I approached him, he asked, "Are you looking for someone?"  "Yes" I said, "A little 2 1/2 yr old boy".  He proceeded to point down the walking path of the greenbelt to a man who was walking and looking himself.  He told me that man saw a little boy down there.  "Oh, thank you!" I said, and began to jog down there towards the man.  

But the man was alone.  Why if he had seen my boy didn't he have him? The man was moving very slowly because he has a bad leg or hip or something.  As I reached him, he told me he lived with his yard backing up to the greenbelt and he saw a little boy walking towards the creek all by himself.  He thought it would be a good idea for me to go on ahead down the path and he would search in the other direction.  

I called and called but the wind was drowning out my voice.  It was useless to call for him anymore in the open field. I saw the man looking along the creek in the water but I stayed on the path.  We had walked this path many times for fun.  Micah had even played in the creek with the boys before not more than a few days ago.  Could he really have gone this far? 

 I kept praying but was also beginning to panic.  The path was desolate.  The path forks at one point where you can go on up to a very busy street where lots of traffic was rushing by.  "Oh, God, please don't let him be up there!" I want to say I had a plan but I wasn't thinking straight at this point.  I just knew I had to look in the tunnel and beyond a little bit before turning back.  I had to rule out that he was beyond that tunnel.  Nothing . . . no one. . . In desperation I prayed that someone nice would find him and I began to sob.  A sense of helplessness began to creep all through me, as I realized he'd been gone for a really long time.  Would I ever see him again?  Is he now technically considered one of those missing children you see on the news?  Should I look along the waters edge to see if he was hidden by the brush along the edge or worse yet, could he be drowned, floating in the water?

I turned around and looked back from where I'd come and I saw the man I'd talked to before waving at me.  Oh God, had he found him?  I tried to call Rich again but my pone said out of range.  I began to cry out-loud a gut wrenching cry as I walked back.  I started to see things in the water that looked like a floating body but when I'd run up to them they were just rocks half in and half out of the water.  I saw Rich talking to the man with the bad leg but neither of them had Micah.

Rich was on the phone with the police and all I could hear was the wind and the wail coming from my own self.  Then Rich said, "Oh thank you!" and he began to weep.  He looked at me and said, "Someone has him back at the house!"  We began to run together as fast as my pregnant body would go.  Up the hill we went to the end of our court where we saw the Carrollton city worker with his white truck standing there.  He said, "Is this your boy in the red shirt?"  Micah was standing off a ways playing in a puddle and his pants were wet up to his knees.  Rich ran to hug him but Micah ran from him knowing he was probably in big trouble.

He was very quiet and looked ashamed.  He didn't cry or smile or say a word.  It was a little strange.  We thanked the man and walked back to our house.  I sat down on our front steps and Micah sat next to me. I cried and Rich gave God thanks for giving us our boy back.

We will never know if he went down to the creek or not.  Were his pants went from the creek or the puddle?  The afternoon was a solemn one with many tears.  Since then friends have told me that the amount of adrenaline really escalates during an experience like that and it takes sometimes a few days to feel somewhat normal again.  

The police came to the door to file a report and I had to relive it all over again for the officer.  After he left I put Micah down for his nap.  I was exhausted but I was afraid to close my eyes for fear, Micah would wander away again.  This is definitely one or our top 10 scares in our parenting lifetime.

When I tucked Micah into bed that night he requested his favorite song, the same song he requests every night.  He calls it the Jesus, Bible song. He can almost sing it word for word by himself. I cried again as we sang:

Jesus loves me this I know

For the Bible tells me so

Little ones to HIM belong

They are weak but HE is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me

Yes, Jesus loves me

Yes, Jesus loves me

The Bible tells me so.

This song has a very different meaning to me now. Praise God with me that we found our boy and he was safe.  Praise God for friendly strangers who cared enough to help.  Praise God that our little ones belong to Him.  Praise God that when we are weak, He is strong!

Kristin

Intentional or Just Coasting?

I went to a Sally Clarkson conference this past weekend and really didn't know what to expect. Here is a link to her blog: http://www.itakejoy.com/  A few of my girl friends go every year and it has never been the right timing for me to go with them, until this year. In the past, I wanted to go because it sounded so appealing to spend a night in a hotel with friends, laughing, eating, and interacting with adult moms like me.  What mom wouldn't want to do this once a year?  But this year as I prepared to go, I prayed that God would speak to me.  I needed to hear from Him.  I did not want to go for selfish reasons because our days are limited on this earth.  Christ is coming back soon!  I had just been reminded again about "Redeeming the time" and I desperately needed to know that I was. Am I right where I'm supposed to be in God's calling for my life?  Or, am I living for myself striving after that American dream of happiness here on earth?

So I went with expectations that God would answer my questions and He did.  He blessed my socks off and I'm still trying to take it all in.  Do you find His goodness to be overwhelming at times?  This was one of those times. Let's see if I can have a flow to my thoughts as I try and put this all on paper.

First I want to tell you that Sally is a very entertaining speaker and really enjoys making you laugh.  She told some great stories that really captured my attention and made me realize that she could very much relate to this thing called "motherhood".  Having multiple children or even one can really make life one big curve ball!  There were many times that she thought she should be out involved in ministry instead of raising 4 little kids not because she didn't love them but sometimes it just feels so unrewarding.  I mean how can dealing with diarrhea, or bloody noses, and crying infants be serving God?

I could relate to this. It's not that I toy with wanting a career so I can feel important but in the Christian circle we think being in some sort of ministry is what helps us know we are changing lives for God. We see these little people that God has given us as secondary to changing an adult's life.  I wonder if Satan tries to distract us from making any impact by never allowing us to feel purposeful.  Whether our "calling" is at home with our children or in full-time ministry outside the home or both together, if we always wonder if we are doing enough, we will never succeed at either.  Why?  Because our own laws will keep us bound up.

God wants to direct us.  I was reminded at the conference that God has called each and every one of us to live by faith.  That looks very different in each of our lives.  Don't you look around at other moms and watch what they are doing and wonder if you are doing the right thing?  We are all so different and spend our time differently.  Some are running around trying to let each child explore his world through activities; giving them experiences so they'll know what they want to do it life.  I'll admit, sometimes I wish we had money to be able to do that and worry that our children are bored.  Other moms I know are volunteering at Gospel for Asia while their children are in public or private school.  I'll admit that sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't be adding volunteer work to my days.  Some moms have fun blogging and actually have a following!  They are inspiring other women to enjoy the small things in life like photography, decorating, or instilling spiritual truths to others through their time blogging.  This sounds fun, don't you think?  But as I watch these beautiful people God has put in my life, I realize that God is leading each of us differently. God wants us to trust and live by faith in the specific things he has asked us to do with our lives. If I run around trying to be like my friends, then I'll miss God's special calling on my life.  Right now, with baby #6 on the way, He has clearly asked me to be a mom.  That is my main ministry and I need to follow God for inspiration.

The point Sally was trying to instill in our brains is that motherhood is just as important as anything else we do in life, if not more!  We get to raise "world changers".  We get to launch our children as lights out into this dark world in dire need of a Savior!  We get to be there for our children and invest in their hearts and minds.  We have the privilege to answer their many questions and share life together.

How do we do this?  We can't unless we walk by faith.  We can't give anything unless we are growing ourselves.  One quote from her its that if we are not growing, growing, growing, we are dying.  There is no middle ground.  You can't tell the Lord that you are going to take the year off and just coast for awhile.  Being intentional in our parenting is key.  We have to be looking for God to guide us and teach us the best ways to win the hearts of our children.

I love formulas, don't you?  Unfortunately there is no formula to produce a Godly child. This is the one
thing that touched my heart the most this weekend.  The fact that God does not want me to try harder, to be kinder or more gentle.  He wants me to surrender, to release control, to rest in Him.

My favorite verse from the weekend was:

Isaiah 30 :15  For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel has said, "In repentence and rest you will be saved.  In quietness and trust is your strength."

So back to my question that I asked the Lord before the conference.  Am I redeeming the time?  I believe I am as I intentionally live for Him in front of my family.  No coasting here at this house.  I'm growing as I rest in Him daily and walk by faith!

Blessings!
Kristin

Winter blessings

We have had a very cold winter but especially the past week.  We are now going on our 4th day of being basically house bound.  We had an ice storm on Monday night so Tuesday morning we woke up to pure ice covering everything.  It looked like snow but is not soft.  When you step on it, you do not sink. . . at all!  You slip unless you are careful because it's a thick, inch of ice!  The schools are closed, gfa is closed and even some of the grocery stores closed for a period of time.  The roads are covered in ice and we have not had any temps above 20* since Monday.  We've lived here for 8 years almost, and never have we experienced this before.  Tonight and tomorrow morning snow is predicted.  Maybe I'll get some pictures soon.  It's just been too cold to even step outside with a camera.

I am actually a home body by nature and like the break from having to keep a steady pace with society.  We have had some fun family times with lots of reading involved.  I think one of my favorite places is in front of a blazing fire, a cup of tea or coffee in hand and a good book either being read aloud or privately.  We finished a book we've been reading aloud for about 2 months now, called Caddie Woodlawn.  It's a true story about a little girl who grew up as a pioneer in the woods of Wisconsin.  We thoroughly enjoyed it!  So much detail of the landscape, seasonal changes, and crazy adventures that children have when left to run free in the woods along the river.

Of course, I had to read to Micah a book I grew up with called Snow.  He quickly took it away from me and began to pretend he was reading instead of me.  He planted himself in my lap still wearing his snow hat that he is attached to these days.  Once we put it on him, he doesn't want it taken off.

My Mom probably remembers reading this book to me! I plan on passing down a lot of books to my children when they are grown.  I've been collecting some of my favorites.

I wish I had more pictures to share of our reading times or the winter ice outside, but I don't.  

Last night we put Micah to bed fairly early and all gathered in the living room to read around the fire.  Some had hot cider and some hot tea.  It was one of those moments that I had to treasure.  All my children except for Dominic Reece (9 yrs) loves to read.  We haven't given up instilling this love into him yet.  Anyway, the other 3 all had books they were engrossed in and we sat in silence with just the sipping of drinks and the crackling of the fire, reading.  I had to laugh a few times because the book I'm reading was so comical!  I'm reading The Hawk and the Dove by Penelope Wilcock.  Just listen to this:

In the pew behind ours sat Mrs. Crabtree; a tall, well-built, energetic, silver-haired lady in her middle seventies.  She had borne six children in her time, and was still motherly through and through, wise and kind, with a rich, ready laugh.  Unfortunately her singing was more out of tune than any I have ever heard before or since, and I set my teeth to endure as the organist struck up for the first hymn.

I love the way this author writes and her insights about life throughout the story are powerful.  I've read this book before a few years ago, but it's so good that I'm reading it again.

Tonight we found an old box of transparencies with some youth group songs on them and Rich is re-living his days as a worship leader for high school youth group and camps.  Funny, all the songs you forget about it.  As soon as your hear the tune again, you remember all the words and how it goes.  Some of them are really good but some are dorky.  So we've been singing for the kids and they are just laughing at us. Remember the song Pass it On?

I'll shout it from the mountain top, I want the world to know

The Lord of love has come to me, I want to pass it on

Our pipes froze yesterday at the kitchen sink.  I was doing dishes and realized I had no cold water.  Not the end of the world but certainly something we could not ignore and wish away.  We didn't know which pipe was frozen so we called a friend who is so knowledgeable about these types of things.  Just by asking a few questions he was certain it was an indoor pipe directly under the sink.  We called another friend who lives a few blocks away and asked if he had a space heater we could borrow.  Within a few minutes the kids and Rich had walked over on the icy streets to their house to pick it up and it only took about an hour to have water again.  I was filled with awe at how God takes care of his children and thankful for such good friends that we've been blessed to know.

Here are our first pregnancy pictures taken this time around.  I'm 14 weeks here and feeling great.

There is nothing cuter than a little child kissing his mommies belly in anticipation of a baby someday.

Can I Keep a Secret?

I really have a lot to say and yet it doesn't feel like much either.  I realized the other day that I haven't posted anything for almost 3 months now!  Sometimes, I just don't feel like talking and have no inspiration for this blog.  My daughter encourages me to keep writing.  Time to write has been my biggest problem lately. . . So much going on. . .

The most monumental subject is that I'm pregnant again!  This will be number 6 and it still shocks me to say that.  I never thought I'd have 6 kids. . . ever!  So you can guess that when I took a pregnancy test over Thanksgiving weekend, I sat staring at the test with my mouth hanging open, forever.  Then I quickly hid the test until I figured out how to tell my family or . . . maybe I should just NOT tell them for awhile and keep it as my secret, between God and I?

I'm horrible at secrets.  I tried last time to keep it a secret and the kids guessed it within the first week!  But Christmas was coming up in a month.  Certainly I could keep a secret for 30 days, couldn't I?  It would make a memorable Christmas if I could, and it would help me not to complain about how horrible I feel during those first few weeks.  If no one knew until Christmas then I'd have to moan and groan to myself and not let on that I was craving something or unusually tired or just plain ol sick to my stomach.  This would be hard but a good test for me.

After about a week I decided I better tell Rich just because I needed someone to talk to about it.  He was planning a big trip for our 20th anniversary and I figured he better know that I'd be pregnant during it.  So he and I went for a walk one morning when all the kids were still in bed.  It was much more special to tell him on a nice walk then to come out of the bathroom with the test in my hand which is always the way I'd told him in the past.  I think he was stunned too when I blurted it out.  He was quiet and then just seemed to be trying to figure out what it all might mean for us.  It's also hard to get too excited when you experienced two miscarriages before.  You never want to plan or think too much about it for fear it might not come to pass.  So we stopped at a picnic bench and prayed about it.  I felt so much better.

So the 30 days passed and I felt more and more symptoms which means I felt more and more crummy.  Even emotionally, I felt crummy.  It's hard to be excited, joyful and even thankful when you feel so awful. Did I really want to go through this at 43 again!  I can hardly handle my 5 kids, how am I going to handle 6?  We are busting out of this house with 7 people in it, how can we fit 8?  These were just some of the thoughts I had to fight with.  I love children and know with all my heart that they are a blessing from God but this time my emotions were not lining up with what I knew.  I knew I would feel differently when the sickness passed so I waited.

Now I'm almost 14 weeks along and am loving being pregnant again!  I haven't felt the baby move yet because it's still too early but I look forward to that part of it.  We did hear the heart beat about a week ago and that was thrilling.  To think that there is a living, breathing life inside of me, taking shape and form with the wave of God's hand is an incredible miracle!

So back to my Christmas surprise.  We decided to buy Micah a t-shirt that said on the front, "I have a Secret. . . "  On the back it says, "I'm going to be a BIG BROTHER!  So on Christmas morning the kids all emptied their stockings to find a gift or two.  Micah went last since he is the littlest and pulled out his new t-shirt.  Reece read it out loud and didn't get it right away.  Micah is already a brother, right?  Well, Olivia caught on immediately and started screaming "Your kidding!"  Then she started crying.  Julia sat with her mouth hanging open wondering if it was true and AJ just said, "I don't get it".  I don't remember who explained it to the boys but it didn't take long and AJ was hollering and jumping off his chair, Olivia was still crying and Micah didn't know what the commotion was all about.  It was fun.

And. . . the secret was out of the bag!

 There were 6 stockings this year because my brother was visiting us over Christmas and we just couldn't leave him out of all the holiday fun.

 This is the famous shirt!

 Olivia's first reaction.  It was pure joy!  She has been wanting me to have another since Micah was born.

 Next, the tears as she remembered that she had been praying I would get pregnant before the end of the year!  God had answered a huge prayer for her and she was so incredibly happy.

 Anthony finally gets it and throws himself backwards and slides off his chair. He then starting crying too!

 My brother, Steve, calm and collected.  He already knew because I told him a few days before.  He came to visit for 10 days, and he couldn't figure out why I was so tired and needed to go to bed by 9 or was on the couch right after dinner!  One conversation we had, he actually asked if we thought we might have more children! At that point I wasn't ready to tell him, so I said, "Well, if God gives us more children we'll be really happy.  And, we are also pretty content with the ones we have already."

I'm glad my brother was there to share the family announcement of that magnitude.  We had so much fun over those 10 days and we were all not really ready for him to go home.  Hopefully he'll come again this year.

 Rich had to have a surprise too.  He decided on Christmas Eve to shave his head all the way.  He shaves his head already but not down to nothing.  So he wore his hat all morning and then revealed his surprise.

 Now, it's become a regular thing.  How do I convince him that I like him better with hair than without?  He keeps shaving it every week!  When I complain he asks why I don't like it.  I told him I didn't marry a bald man!  I'm sorta teasing and yet there is some truth to that!

Copy Cat

Micah is so darling at this age that I have to record some of the things he is doing at 2 years and 3 months to be exact. I would best describe him as a copy cat.  Everything that is spoken to him, he repeats the last word. 

 If I say, "Do you want to eat?" He will say "Eat!"  

If I say, "Do you want a spanking?" He will say, "Spanking."

He is a sponge and we can see him soaking up his little world around him.  Language is big right now for him as he repeats everything.  As Olivia listens to her German teacher online, he is repeating the German words too, to the best of his ability.  He listens to our conversations around the table and then re- tells the stories we tell with as much exuberance and hand gestures as possible.  There is no mistaking what he is saying.  

Today I heard one of his older siblings reprimanding him and Micah came running to me to tell me all about it.  He babbled away while hitting the air and adding the word "Stop!" to his jumbled sentence.  I instantly knew he had gotten in trouble for hitting and that his sibling had told him to stop it.

 He is so cute as he doesn't just say "yes" but "yep" nor does he say a boring "no" but a lively "nope!"

I like this picture of him making indentations in the sand with his toes.  

Today Rich killed a bug and I was curiously watching hoping he would get it before it got away.  Normally I'd kill a bug myself but this was a rather large critter.  Micah came peeking around the corner to see.  He said "Ewww!"

Every morning when my alarm goes off I get up and after doing the things all people do when they wake up, I prop up my pillows so I can sit up in bed and read my Bible.  Micah always wakes up around that time and comes in to join me with his blanket.  Yesterday I noticed that he had gotten his own book and propped up a pillow behind him and was turning the pages pretending to read too.

Always watching, always mimicking is the 2 year old.

Micah calls Olivia, La la

AJ is Day Jay

Julia is also La La

Reece is Weecie

Every night before bed he has to give everyone a kiss and hug.  He loves running around the room to each one of his siblings and won't ever forget anyone.  Then when I scoop him up to go tuck him in he yells "Night Night!" to everyone and sometimes "Bye!" as well.

Micah loves eggs cooked any which way.  He gobbles them up and always asks for more.  If he sees us putting salt and pepper on them he has to have the same.

He has learned to jump off of the fireplace hearth and will do it over and over until he is sweaty and out of breath.  I also taught him how to do a summer salt and he tries his best but basically puts his head down on the carpet and then says "Two!" (for 1,2,3) and then falls to one side or the other.  He can't quite push himself over yet but he will do that until he runs out of steam which takes much longer for him than me!

He loves to have his picture taken and usually will say "cheese" and then run to see it in the view finder on your camera.

Last Sunday at church he was making faces at the little boys behind us and then I caught him blowing kisses at them!  He is so affectionate. Not shy at all.  He loves people and warms up to others right away!  One of Olivia girlfriends came over who he doesn't know, and he greeted her at the door with a big "Hi!" and then he held his arms out and said "Hugs?" Kisses always follow hugs so that was the natural next step.  Amazing!

We've never had a child with so much character than this one!  

He was in trouble this morning and came running in my room, paniced.  He yelled "Spank!"  He climbed up on my bed as fast as his little legs could hoist him up.  I said, "Do you need Mom to save you?" His response was a matter of fact "Yep!"

Gotta love this boy!