Who is driving the infirmary bus?

This is my oldest daughter, Olivia, when she was 12.  She had just gotten her ears pierced in this picture for her birthday.  

Olivia has had health issues for what seems like her whole life.  But really aside from the fact that she was diagnosed with epilepsy at 4 years old, her chronic health issues seem to start in adolescence.  

She suffered from headaches and stomach issues pretty much off and on the whole time.  Even though she is smiling in these pictures, her life was consumed with not feeling well.  Throw a little teenage rebellion in there and those years were, well to say the least, difficult at best.

As her mom, I prayed desperately for wisdom and patience with her and for her.  

It was a time of surrendering control as a parent and mother to God because I really just had too.  What could I do?  Oh, don't get me wrong, I wasn't giving up or not doing my part.  I researched her ailments like crazy and revamped her diet to see if it would help, had her tested for allergies, took her to a chiropractor, and neurologist. But after I exhausted all I knew, I crumbled in a million pieces at the Lord's feet.  "Please show me Lord what to do next!"was what I prayed.  Most often God would grant me peace and patience to just be still and wait on Him.  Wait on Him to lead and me follow instead.

All of these people helped her in some way shape or form but no one seemed to be able to get to the root of her problems.  I learned more and more about health and lifestyle changes that helped prevent illness.  I studied alternative cures for colds, allergies, gut problems, and how chemicals can effect people through, cleaning agents, food additives and vaccines.

I feel like God has blessed us with a wealth of information through the web and so we rarely see general practitioners for colds or infections.  Using natural remedies we have cured our family of many issues that the normal person would deem a doctor visit necessary.

But Olivia's health issues seem to just evolve into more complex issues.  She would complain of feeling foggy brained or just plain ol' fatigued all the time. The chiropractor really helped her with her  daily headaches but she would still get headaches with fluorescent lighting in department stores or church.  She began wearing sunglasses inside places that had these lights to prevent a headache.  It actually worked even though she looked somewhat alarming with shades on inside! 

Her stomach still continued to give her problems and we discovered that gluten and dairy were not her only issues.  She is sensitive to all kind of pepper and chills, soy, all nuts, and beans if eaten too much can rip up her stomach.  She began having to evaluate every meal she ate.  Does this have gluten or maybe dairy in it?  Does it have any pepper in it?  Each year seemed to bring on new sensitivities and now she breaks out in hives when she eats certain fruits and can't breath when she eats corn.

I can't say I have always been so compassionate to her problems. I'd have to say that being in control and making things happen is my nature. I'm her mom and should look out for her as best I can, making sure she gets the kind of medical care necessary for her to live as normally as possible.  This is what I tell myself anyway and with that comes a sub-conscience stress.  If you live with the thoughts that you are the one who should be able to find her help so her problems can be fixed, you are just going to come up to a dead end because God has to be driving the infirmary bus. It is true that I'm her advocate and I will be forever.  But what if you don't know what else to do?  What if you have exhausted all options? What if you've tried your best only to be chasing a rabbit trail.  You turn to God is what you do.  That's what I do sometimes later that I'd like but eventually I get there.

 I'm ashamed to say, we've had many fights over her not feeling well.  Living with someone who feels bad more days than she doesn't wears me out.  I'm a "pick yourself up and move on" kind of person.  The phrase "buck up camper!" comes to mind often.  Olivia wears her emotions on her sleeve --kind of gal. You always know how she is feeling because her body language and facial expressions say it all.  She is my drama queen daughter.

So how do we get along?  Some days we just don't.  Some days I have to practice my compassionate mother role a little more than normal.  She is learning to persevere even when she feels like poop.  God is using it all.  I just wish we could learn these things another way.

Now Olivia is 19 and is having more problems than ever.  I guess you could say she has a movement disorder where she twitches or jerks the majority of the day. We've seen a neurologist and had an EEG where everything came back normal.  It was such a hard day because as we were going in to review her EEG results, she was counting on the doctor having a prescription for a medication that would make this all stop.  She is a certified EMT and wants to work.  She cannot even drive because it's not safe. Well, that day was hard because the neurologist did not offer us any hope.  He had no meds that would help her.

 I ask God why?  Some people would say that isn't respectful to ask him that question but I don't think He is offended.  I'm learning many things through all this so that's probably why.  I'm learning to long for heaven.  To hope in a perfect eternity not a perfect life here on earth.  This earth is cursed so there is sickness and disease.  Is Satan targeting my daughter?  Maybe, but God is allowing it.  We know that everything that God allows is for our good. It's for her refinement and mine is what I've been told.  It doesn't make it any easier to go through, though.  Sometimes what we know to be true doesn't match up with how we feel about it.

Recently Olivia has begun having seizures again.  She has been off meds for 7 years but now we hope for some to help her.  Her seizures are different than they used to be.  It's hard to believe that the neurologist found nothing in her brain that is amiss.  No reason at all for her to be having these symptoms.  He suggested we see a psychiatrist because he thinks it might all be stress related.  That's what doctors say when they don't know what else to say.  He told her to try and live as normal of a life as possible. How do you do that when your body is deteriorating little by little?

This experience with this neurologist has just added to the fact that I have no faith is conventional medicine.  Another dead end.  Another doctor who has no answers and doesn't bother looking at the rest of her body to see if something might be terribly wrong. That's the problem with specialists.  They only seem to have training in that specific area and nothing else.  Could she have an extreme vitamin deficiency that is effecting her brain activity.  They say B vitamins and the mineral magnesium are both vital to brain function.  But when I brought this up, he shook his head and told me there were no documented studies on this so it can't be.

We just finished sending Olivia to Colorado to see a doctor who is a trained M.D. but has invested his life into learning about functional medicine.  This term means that they believe the body all functions together.  That all your systems are related.  They believe in looking at all the bodily functions to see what is amiss and could be the cause of your symptoms.  So Olivia has been completing a series of tests along with lab work to see what they can find.  This doctor has called me twice in a week to discuss her case.  I was put on speaker phone for her 2 hour consult.  He discussed her issues with his colleagues this week and then called me to discuss a few things that they are suspicious of.  I am so thankful for doctors like this one!  I even have his e-mail and can ask questions or give him necessary information as I think of it.  This is the kind of care I'm looking for!

I'm also looking for a new neurologist since the Colorado doctor thinks we need a second opinion.  He believes there has to be a medication for what she is experiencing.  Neither one of us wants her on anti-seizure drugs but sometimes there is a place for it.  What has caused her to regress?  Something.  She hasn't just developed a "condition" where there is no cure.  How can you not have seizures for 7 years and then start having them out of the blue?  Our bodies are complex and that's why I'm so glad I've found a knowledgeable doctor who cares and will do the research it takes to try at least, to figure her out! We now have some hope.  It makes all the difference, really. 

Am I still trying to drive the infirmery bus?  Nope.  God is driving this one.  Dr. Mark actually asked me to pray for God to give him wisdom.  This makes me respect him all the more.  He is not promising me that he can cure Olivia.  He knows his place and that it is only the Lord who can give answers.  

Here is the website to the practice in Colorado in case you are at a dead end and have some seriously health issues. 

https: www.trilifehealth.com

Kristin Lodi

Winter thoughts

God's creations are just so amazingly beautiful.  This is a picture of a female cardinal that we took in our very own backyard!  When I watch the birds so busy gathering food, flying here and there, I'm reminded of how God provides for them and promises to provide for us even more.  Why worry about a thing, when God is for you.  Nothing changes when we worry anyway.  The birds bless me in this way as they remind me of how God is our provider and cares for us even more.

It's been so cold here this winter in Texas.  I know I can't complain in comparison to other states who have even colder weather but the grey skies and freezing temps really are hard to live with day after day.  I've always loved all the seasons including winter.  I love the beauty of the snow and ice.  I love the sound of rain and the feel of being warm in a cozy house.  But this winter the continuous days with no sunshine and the ability to sit outside, has gotten me down.  I know some people who do get depressed in winter and I can finally relate a little I think.

I realized how melancholy I felt all winter when the sun finally came out.  It was so refreshing and wonderful that I sat outside even though it was really too cold to.  Spring was suddenly in the air and all our ducks and chickens were happily running around playing and looking for food, taking other times during the day to nap in the sun.  

It kind of felt like this picture of Levi hiding under his umbrella in the gloomy rain. Just like me, hiding in my house trying to stay warm and be productive during the daylight hours.  

And then when the sun came out, the umbrella was lifted and a smile broke out!

This is my 3 year old duckling, Levi.  My oldest daughter took this picture of him and I love it!

These are a few of our real ducks basking in the sunshine.  They are about 11 weeks old now.  So big, they have grown!  Their eyes are on the side of their heads so when you talk to them and they look at you they cock their head in funny ways to see you like the way this white one is doing.  We have named her Snowwhite.

We live next door to a beautiful pond that our neighbor owns.  Now that our ducks are older we are starting to herd them down to the pond each day to swim since our little kiddy plastic pool is way to small for them.  

These two are mates.  They are the same breed and I think two of the prettiest ones.  We named the whiter one, Raquel and the browner one is named Harley.  

This is Prince.  He is the biggest duck we have.  He is a Pekin duck and because he is so big he has a big waddle too.  It's funny to see him lead the pack or sometimes bring up the rear because he is pretty slow to get where he wants to go.

We have learned that when they go to the pond they are actually getting food from it as well. They have a type of sieve in their bills that filters out the dirt and sand so they can eat the minnows and tadpoles and other small bugs.  They love the mud and and seem to be drinking it but that isn't really true.

They also have oil glands on their bodies that help their feathers repel water so they never seem like they are wet.  They can completely dunk their whole body under water but come up dry!  They love to bathe and flap their wings to fluff up their feathers after getting wet.  We have feathers all over our yard because of this.  They jump in my kiddy pool and get as wet as they can and then they flap so hard, you think they will just lift off and fly away at any time.  But these breeds of ducks can't fly.

We are really enjoying our two black ones.  They are called Cayugas and are a beautiful, silky black color. When the sunlight hits them certain ways their feathers look green or purple.  I named one of them Beautiful but I can't really tell them apart.

This is Raquel again.  She is my favorite. 

Harley again.  He is looking right at ya!

Here they are all in a row just like the ducks in books look like.  They stick together, let me tell you!  If one gets stuck or left behind, all the others will go back for it.  It's really endearing to watch them stay together even though they represent 4 different breeds. They have grown up together so each other is all they've known. There isn't an independent one out of the whole bunch.  I love this about them.  Chickens go off on their own and don't seem to care too much where each other is hanging out.  Ducks on the other hand are much more attached to each other.  When I take them to the pond and they all are playing around in the water, when one decides it's time get out, then they all finish up and get out too.  All of a sudden, all 8 of them will be done in the water and ready to follow the leader!

I love the way they look against the green pasture!  Every time I take them to the pond, I with I had my camera to capture the beauty.  They now know how to come home all by themselves after I take them down there.  This morning it was pretty cold so Micah and I stayed about 20 minutes.  They were having such a good time in the water and didn't look like they were going to be done anytime soon so we just left them down there.  They came home a few minutes later all together without loosing a single member of their family!

I'll end this post with another picture of my youngest duckling. 

Our own family is sort of like a duck family, I'm discovering.  We all need our time alone and sometimes go off with friends for a bit, but it's hard to stay away from each other for long.  We inevitably gather again to be together and enjoy each others company, sharing our days experiences.  Rich is our leader and where he leads, we follow.  Sometimes other members of our family voice their desires or concerns and unconsciously take a lead where we all follow to show our support.

Yes, I'm learning quite a bit about love and care by observing our ducks.  Gods creatures are indeed, beautiful in many ways.

Kristin Lodi

Jesus Came to Bring Peace

I really wanted to share a little about what's been going through my mind lately about peace.  Children and ducks are pretty peaceful if you really think about it.  They are not stressed but relaxed, enjoying life and the blessings it brings.  I took these pictures today of the little boys playing together and holding our 3 week old ducklings.  So I will put them interspersed in this post about peace.

Lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed with the cares of this life.  My children's health always seems to be an issue and with that bills accumulate.  We are now a part of a Christian Share Program in place of insurance and I love many things about it.  On the other hand, it's a new way of handling our medical bills that we aren't used to and requires more foot work on our part.  Since Rich is working the majority of the day, this responsibility has fallen on me.  Along with home schooling, disciplining to keep peace in our home, planning all the meals, keeping up with my children's social calendar, entertaining for the holidays, well, you get the idea.  To say the least, my life has not been at all peaceful.  

Added Ducks to the Lodi Farm

  I'm sure people are wondering why we bought 9 ducks.  Well, let me tell you.  My neighbor has ducks and I go over there every now and then to retrieve my kids from her house and I always stay and talk for awhile.  Her ducks are so pretty and she told me she is getting a few eggs a day from them.  She proceeded to give me some to try.  First of all duck eggs are extra large in size, packed full of nutrients and as I tried one I realized they are incredibly delicious!  I remember seeing a dozen duck eggs for sale at a local market back in Dallas and they were asking $13 a dozen!!  I decided duck eggs are valuable and therefore, ducks are worth having.  So I ordered 9 ducks to be delivered by mail. I forgot to say that she also told me that they eat lots of bugs and especially grasshoppers when they forage around your yard.  This is a plus for me since we had tons of grasshoppers out here this past summer.

 It was fun to go to the website and find that you can choose the breed of ducks according to their looks, temperament and egg production and of course, availability.  So we chose 4 different breeds all to be hatched on November 10th.

They were sent 2 day priority mail to our local post office and were to be picked up promptly as you would suppose the post office would rather not hold a chirping box with live animals in it for very long.  So on a very cold morning, I received the call at 6 a.m. that our ducks had arrived!  I was so excited as many of my children were too.  I woke up Dominic to go with me to the little country town we live in to retrieve our prized duckling not knowing what in the world to expect.  We'd never done this before. I was just praying they wouldn't freeze to death and would all be alive when we opened the box!

Dominic had done his research and I did too so we were prepared with straw for their bedding, chick feed and a home made water dish.  Oh, and let's not forget the most important heating lamp!  These ducklings were to be kept at 90* for the first week!

2 day old ducklings

 They were so very soft and sweet.  They had a ton of energy and were running around excitedly to be let out of the box.  I was surprised to hear that they chirp just like baby chickens do.  They don't quack. They must develop that deep quack later as adults.

This is their initial habitat but it only last about 5 minutes because we quickly realized that it wasn't deep enough.  They were trying to jump out and by standing on their water dish, they could have easily escaped!  So we emptied a clear plastic storage container from the garage and used that for the first week.  Much better.

Since we got up so early to pick them up, Dominic, Rich and I got to enjoy them while everyone else was still sleeping.  But slowly everyone began waking up and coming out to see what was all the chirping about.  It kind of felt a bit like Christmas morning when you have a surprise waiting.

Julia enjoys animals so much.  I don't think there is one she doesn't like.  One day I found her with her chair right in front of the ducks house doing her school work while watching the ducks.

Baby Pekin duck.

I had read that an old paint tray makes a great bathtub for baby ducks.  We introduced them to water for  swimming on day 4.  They were a bit scared but not for long.  The problem with this was that they kept jumping out and walking around the kitchen floor and when scared they would poop.  So it turned out to be a messy event with water all over the floor mixed with duck poop! It was a new experience to say the least to have ducks running free around the kitchen! So the next day we gave them a bath in the regular bathtub.  

Ducks drink a gallon of water a day when they are full grown.  These little guys drink a 1/2 gallon a week per duck!  That's a lot of water!  So they drink water as they swim to meet their quota. They also have a mucus membrane on the side of their bills that has to continually get wet so they need to be able to dip their entire bill in the water.  I knew none of this before.  It's pretty fun to learn new things.

Each duck needed to be dried off so they don't catch a chill before returning them to their heating lamp. This, I believe, is a Blue Swedish duck.  He, or she, is my favorite.

This is Dominic my other animal lover. He would love to have a whole house full of animals. He has been allowed to have a turtle and a gerbil but if he had his way he would have a pet farm and I'd have cages all over the house!  Can you see the teeny-tiny duck he is holding?  That's about how big they were at 4 days old.

 This is their new home to date in the garage.  After having them in the house for a week and having to change their bedding every day because they soiled it so badly we decided they needed a larger habitat.  So now they have room to run around and we have room to put 2 water feeders in their pen for them.  Now we don't have to change their bedding but every 3 days and they don't run out of water so fast either. This is my compost container that my smart husband reminded me would work just right for them.  It's open on the bottom so we laid down some cardboard and then put the straw on top.

This is where we found Julia with her coat on sitting in a camping chair in the dark with only the heating lamp and space heater on doing her school work.  It's a bit cold in the garage these days.

Today they are almost a 1 1/2 weeks old.  I feel like they are growing right before my eyes!  Each day when I go check on them in the garage, they look bigger!  We decided to take them outside today for an hour or so to see what they would do.  It was in the 60's today so we figured it wouldn't be too cold.

We made sure they stayed in the sunshine.

They were so cute.  They seem to move in a pack and run pretty fast.  They really liked the sunshine and we filled a shallow pan full of water for them so they wouldn't get dehydrated and so that they could get their bodies wet if they liked.  And they liked.

They were in and out of the water dish.  Drinking and fluttering about.  Only about 4 could get in at one time so the others would wait patiently on the outskirts watching.  It was relaxing for us too to sit out in the sunshine watching them.  It's so amazing how ducks just know how to be ducks without any instructions.  

These Pekins will grow white feathers and be a the pure white duck that you are probably familiar with.

I believe this is a Welsh Harlequin but I could be wrong.  We are calling this one Chipmonk right now because of his markings.  He is pretty distinctly different from all the others.  Wonder when he gets his feathers if he'll still have these markings?

This one is the Blue Swedish that I had a picture of earlier.  He or she is changing so much.  Can you see how much bigger they are from just a week ago?  There are two of this breed and they are the ones that have a pink rim on their bill.  One nice thing about ducks verses chickens is that they don't have a sharp beak.  When they eat out of your hand, you don't really have to worry about getting pecked at.

I hope you enjoyed my duck pictures!  I hope to blog about this again as they change and we learn more about them.

Family Dynamic Changes

I wondered if moving to the country would change our family dynamics.  When my older children were little, I longed for them to be outside with space to explore, throw a ball around, and spend time together.  We had 1/3 of an acre in Colorado when they were little and we did spend long hours outside.  I remember being barefoot and pregnant there and sitting outside watching them play. I visited with my neighbors in the backyard while they played on the swings, dug in the dirt or in winter went sledding down the short hill we had.

Then we moved to Dallas area and bought a house with virtually no backyard.  It had an 8 ft tall fence and a small patch of grass.  We looked for months for a house with a big yard but there were none in our price range and in the area we needed to live.  At least the house we did buy had two large trees that they could climb when they were older.  They did play in the street out front but had to be very careful not to hit a parked car with their baseball practicing.  We did take many walks at the greenbelt close by to get out into nature and when they got much older, they could go ride their bikes down there and explore.  We made due with what we had and they had a lovely childhood.  I on the other hand, quit sitting outside with the Texas hot sun and plethora of bugs to wrestle with.  I did when we first moved there but over time, I quit.  I'm not sure why. . . maybe it was the view of the tall fence that detoured me.  I did spend time trying to garden in my square foot box but that is only so relaxing.

When we moved to East Texas this summer, we bought a house that sits on 2 1/2 acres.  What a blessing it has been.  For the first month or so I felt like I was living in a country vacation home.  All the fresh air is mesmerizing!  I love the sounds of crickets, cows mooing, roosters crowing and the breeze rustling in the trees.  If it was too dark to be outside on the back porch then I would open the windows in our sunroom and sit out there and listen, read, or just sit and be thankful for all of it. I think God is glorified when we are just still with a thankful heart.

This is our sunroom where I can still feel like I'm outside without being out.  When it gets too cold, I'll sit out here maybe with a space heater so I can feel like I'm still outside.

Our front yard and house.

So how has all this space changed our family dynamics?  Well, I know it's helped me have more peace.   I automatically began spending time outside again because I love nature and gravitate towards being in God's creation.  Didn't God create all these trees, sounds, smells, and creatures for us to enjoy?  They reveal His handiwork, His splendor, His intelligent design!  I try to sit outside everyday for a bit and I just stand amazed at all the beauty there is to see.

Just yesterday I went outside to do Micah's reading lesson with him and it took us almost an hour to get started because we got distracted with a Monarch butterfly that floated by and landed in the tree above us.  We studied it and then I had to go get my camera.

I've always heard about the Monarchs migrating to Mexico but have never experienced it.  The more we watched, the more we saw.  One would flutter by and then another.  One right after another.  So as I was following them, hoping they would land in the yard so I could get a picture, I spied a flowering weed and saw 5 Monarchs drinking the nectar!

Aren't they pretty?  I had to get over the guilt of lagging in Micah's reading lesson and kept telling myself, this is what school is all about.  This is life science!  He'll learn to read all in due time.

We have slowed down since we've moved and that has helped me sort through what is important.  We stopped piano lessons, baseball practice, and home school elective classes.  Not because we wanted to but because we had to.  We might pick up some of these things again but for now we are learning what there is around here in our little town of 3,500.  Instead of me being the family taxi, we are spending time getting to know our neighbors, having friends over (new and old) and playing outside. all the while discovering things like Monarchs, spiders and the habits of birds.

The boys have named this chicken Fluffy Flyer.  She is our most docile chicken and will let most anyone hold her.  She is slow so she is easy to catch and never pecks at you. Chickens are so fun to watch.  Sometimes I go outside in the late afternoon to read a bit or maybe plan our meals for the week and make a shopping list.  I can hardly concentrate because the chickens are so interesting to watch.  I love that they eat the bugs in our yard especially the grasshoppers and crickets.  The run here and there as fast as their fat, fluffy, feathered bodies will carry them to catch a jumping insect.  They roll and puff up their feathers in the dirt and dust to clean themselves.  They separate themselves from the flock when they need to go lay an egg and will always lay it in the same place.  One makes her way back to the pen, another sits by the workshop in her dirt nest she has created and still another has made her nest on top of a grassy mound.  It cracks me up to see her fluffy red head peeking up over the grass as she sits and waits for that egg to drop out of her.

Anthony has had to observe 5 birds for his biology class.  He took some exceptional pictures last week, much better than I could have captured them.  This is a hawk.  Hawks are beautiful birds but really not chicken owners friends as they will eat them.  One swooped down into our yard the other day and all the chickens scattered and squawked.  Sometimes the chickens will just freeze when they sense a predator.  They will stand motionless for a very long time.

This is the neighborhood Blue Heron.  He/she hangs out by our pond next door and one day when I was pulling away in my car, I saw it flying across the road to another neighbor's pond.  The wing span was so enormous and seriously, it's wings were blue.  Absolutely beautiful are God's creatures!

This the Texas state bird the Northern Mockingbird.  They are fabulous looking when they fly because they have a white wide stripe on their wings contrasting with black or dark grey and they seem to love to fight with each other.

Isn't this picture striking?  Anthony got this one of our friendly Cardinal!  He is so pretty and comes around often.

 And, did I tell you about the newest animal that our neighbor's added to their household?  It's Pepper the pot-belly pig!  She is 10 weeks old in this picture and our neighbor brought her over to meet our boys.  Levi loves animals and always seem to wind up kissing them.  Pigs can be cleaner that dogs and cats, I guess so this one is a pet and lives in the house with them.  It sleeps in a crate at night in their son's room and they take her out to go potty just like you would a puppy.  So far, she hasn't had any accidents. Amazing!  I never would have known.

I've even decided that I love taking the time it takes to hang my wash outside to dry.  I love being outside so why not?  It's just another excuse to be outside among the trees with the breeze drying our clothes.  It saves money on the electric bill and I love the way the clothes come out slightly stiff with that fresh air smell.  In seems like more work because it is easier to throw them in the dryer and push a button but in the end it's less work.  I don't have piles of clean clothes laying around waiting to be folded and put away.  I fold them as I take them off the line and put them in the basket.  Then when I get into the house, I put them away. This goes right along with my resourceful personality.

So living in the country is slowly changing the dynamics of our home.  We are spending less time in front of media and technology, less time running from here to there, and more time outside.  It has created a less hurried lifestyle. There seems to be more peace in the home and patience with each other.

 We just ordered 9 ducks to add to our bird farm so I'm sure in the weeks ahead, I will be taking tons of pictures of ducklings.  My nature girl, Julia and I, could not be more thrilled, anticipating these day old ducklings coming in the mail.  Our neighbors have ducks and gave us some duck eggs to try.  They are amazing!  Did you know that duck eggs cost about $1 a piece?  They are a precious commodity!  So we will pray that they will make it through the winter weather and stay safe from predators so that in the Spring we might get to eat duck eggs regularly.

Stay tuned as we experience life in the country.

Kristin