Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Can I Keep a Secret?

I really have a lot to say and yet it doesn't feel like much either.  I realized the other day that I haven't posted anything for almost 3 months now!  Sometimes, I just don't feel like talking and have no inspiration for this blog.  My daughter encourages me to keep writing.  Time to write has been my biggest problem lately. . . So much going on. . .

The most monumental subject is that I'm pregnant again!  This will be number 6 and it still shocks me to say that.  I never thought I'd have 6 kids. . . ever!  So you can guess that when I took a pregnancy test over Thanksgiving weekend, I sat staring at the test with my mouth hanging open, forever.  Then I quickly hid the test until I figured out how to tell my family or . . . maybe I should just NOT tell them for awhile and keep it as my secret, between God and I?

I'm horrible at secrets.  I tried last time to keep it a secret and the kids guessed it within the first week!  But Christmas was coming up in a month.  Certainly I could keep a secret for 30 days, couldn't I?  It would make a memorable Christmas if I could, and it would help me not to complain about how horrible I feel during those first few weeks.  If no one knew until Christmas then I'd have to moan and groan to myself and not let on that I was craving something or unusually tired or just plain ol sick to my stomach.  This would be hard but a good test for me.

After about a week I decided I better tell Rich just because I needed someone to talk to about it.  He was planning a big trip for our 20th anniversary and I figured he better know that I'd be pregnant during it.  So he and I went for a walk one morning when all the kids were still in bed.  It was much more special to tell him on a nice walk then to come out of the bathroom with the test in my hand which is always the way I'd told him in the past.  I think he was stunned too when I blurted it out.  He was quiet and then just seemed to be trying to figure out what it all might mean for us.  It's also hard to get too excited when you experienced two miscarriages before.  You never want to plan or think too much about it for fear it might not come to pass.  So we stopped at a picnic bench and prayed about it.  I felt so much better.

So the 30 days passed and I felt more and more symptoms which means I felt more and more crummy.  Even emotionally, I felt crummy.  It's hard to be excited, joyful and even thankful when you feel so awful. Did I really want to go through this at 43 again!  I can hardly handle my 5 kids, how am I going to handle 6?  We are busting out of this house with 7 people in it, how can we fit 8?  These were just some of the thoughts I had to fight with.  I love children and know with all my heart that they are a blessing from God but this time my emotions were not lining up with what I knew.  I knew I would feel differently when the sickness passed so I waited.

Now I'm almost 14 weeks along and am loving being pregnant again!  I haven't felt the baby move yet because it's still too early but I look forward to that part of it.  We did hear the heart beat about a week ago and that was thrilling.  To think that there is a living, breathing life inside of me, taking shape and form with the wave of God's hand is an incredible miracle!

So back to my Christmas surprise.  We decided to buy Micah a t-shirt that said on the front, "I have a Secret. . . "  On the back it says, "I'm going to be a BIG BROTHER!  So on Christmas morning the kids all emptied their stockings to find a gift or two.  Micah went last since he is the littlest and pulled out his new t-shirt.  Reece read it out loud and didn't get it right away.  Micah is already a brother, right?  Well, Olivia caught on immediately and started screaming "Your kidding!"  Then she started crying.  Julia sat with her mouth hanging open wondering if it was true and AJ just said, "I don't get it".  I don't remember who explained it to the boys but it didn't take long and AJ was hollering and jumping off his chair, Olivia was still crying and Micah didn't know what the commotion was all about.  It was fun.

And. . . the secret was out of the bag!

 There were 6 stockings this year because my brother was visiting us over Christmas and we just couldn't leave him out of all the holiday fun.

 This is the famous shirt!

 Olivia's first reaction.  It was pure joy!  She has been wanting me to have another since Micah was born.

 Next, the tears as she remembered that she had been praying I would get pregnant before the end of the year!  God had answered a huge prayer for her and she was so incredibly happy.

 Anthony finally gets it and throws himself backwards and slides off his chair. He then starting crying too!

 My brother, Steve, calm and collected.  He already knew because I told him a few days before.  He came to visit for 10 days, and he couldn't figure out why I was so tired and needed to go to bed by 9 or was on the couch right after dinner!  One conversation we had, he actually asked if we thought we might have more children! At that point I wasn't ready to tell him, so I said, "Well, if God gives us more children we'll be really happy.  And, we are also pretty content with the ones we have already."

I'm glad my brother was there to share the family announcement of that magnitude.  We had so much fun over those 10 days and we were all not really ready for him to go home.  Hopefully he'll come again this year.

 Rich had to have a surprise too.  He decided on Christmas Eve to shave his head all the way.  He shaves his head already but not down to nothing.  So he wore his hat all morning and then revealed his surprise.

 Now, it's become a regular thing.  How do I convince him that I like him better with hair than without?  He keeps shaving it every week!  When I complain he asks why I don't like it.  I told him I didn't marry a bald man!  I'm sorta teasing and yet there is some truth to that!