Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Less than 5 weeks to go!

I'm due a month from tomorrow but I'm pretty confident I'll be a little bit early.  Maybe I shouldn't do that to myself, just in case I'm not, but I just have this feeling about it.  I'm due July 29th and my midwife is leaving the country for 10 days on Aug. 1st!  I'm not all that concerned because I've heard great things about her back-up gal but it really is possible that I'll be early and still get to have the midwife I know best.  After all,  I was 3 days early with Micah. 

Yes, you did hear me say "midwife".  This is my 6th child and I'm finally taking the plunge and having a home birth.  Now if YOU would have told me that 16 years ago or even 13 years ago, no wait, how about 11 years ago or even 9 years ago, I would have said, "yeah, right!"  My first 4 children were all born in a hospital with the big guns shot into my spin to numb the whole scary experience.  I marveled at how women gave birth without drugs and was never motivated to even give that a try.

When I became pregnant with Micah, I was willing to give it a whirl to see if I could avoid the strange man, who I don't know, coming in with a foot long needle to mess around with my spine and also all those papers I had to sign giving up my rights just in case I turned out paralyzed after the fact.

I chose a happy medium and had Micah in a Birthing Center naturally with no drugs!  I was just as shocked as you.  I did it.  I can't say I wanted to do it again right away but it was a good feeling knowing it was possible.  I kept my cool right up until the end when I panicked for about a minute or two while I pushed my precious baby out.  I had never felt that part before.  I look back and am grateful I only pushed for 4 minutes and he was born.  Did I focus on the Lord and his promises?  Not really.  It was so fast and intense, I completely forgot about Him.  I'm sorry to say.

So this time we've decided to have a home birth.  We live 5 min. from the hospital so that's comforting, just in case, but let's not think about that possibility.  I'm just so glad I get to choose to have a baby in our own home with a supportive husband and caregiver who can help me.  I've been reading a lot about all this and they say the more a woman can relax, the better and quicker her labor will be.  All those years ago, the hospital was where I could relax best.  Knowing all those professionals were around me, just in case, put my mind at ease.  Knowing I could have a painless labor put my mind at ease. 

 But this time, I'm looking forward to relaxing in my own home, not having to sign my life away or have interventions imposed on me.  I'm looking forward to knowing every person who walks in my room.  Being able to move around if I want without an IV stuck in my arm is also a plus.  The best part is being able to drink water or juice during labor to quench the insatiable thirst that arrises.  That was never allowed in the hospital. 

A girlfriend said to me recently,  "Gee Kristin, you do this different every time!"  I guess I do.  It's fascinating how God changes our perspectives and gives us strength where we thought we had none.  

Oh, I do hope to focus on the Lord more during this labor.  For He has promised to keep me in peace if my mind is stayed on Him.  

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A Mother's Heart

I've been so busy this pregnancy that I haven't had a chance to prepare to have another child.
Around the middle of the 7th month, I began to feel the stress of this fact.  I had some underlying thoughts and emotions about not being able to love this one as much as all the rest.  And. . . (probably because I was too busy) I felt that I wouldn't have enough time to spend with all 6 equally.

Oh, I was prepared in the sense of having everything I needed to have a baby but mentally and emotionally I was not prepared at all.  

I realized I needed time to think through some of these issues and let God renew my mind.  I looked at my calender and realized that after June 10th, I would have nothing scheduled!  Yeah!  I was and am determined to not fill the last 6 weeks of this pregnancy with anything stressful if I have any say in the matter.

I also sat down and began to think through some of my reservations about having 6 children under my care.  God so gently reminded me that he does not give us the ability to love in measured out increments.  In other words, He hasn't given me 5 cups of love for mothering and no more so that I have to spread those cups between 6 kids.  He gives me as much love as I need for each child.

He also showed me that I do not have to worry about having enough time for this little person.  We have a house full of people who will meet the needs of each person in our family.  It's not all up to me.  If one of my children needs to talk all they have to do is ask me.  If I'm not available, there are many other siblings or their Father that will talk to them.  A large family has different needs than that of an only child.  

I feel much better since I've been able to think through what I believe about these two concerns for mothers of large families.

One afternoon as I sat down to put up my feet, the beginning of a poem kept running through my head.  Now this is a first for me.  I do not write poetry. . . EVER!  I can't even tell you what type of poem this is but it just came so easily as I pondered the baby within me.  Soon, everything will change and I will be holding this baby in my arms instead of caressing my growing and active belly.  Life will make a definite transition and this baby will have a name and personality to be observed by all. This is the poem I wrote for our new little one.

Do you know a Mother's Heart?
One who dreams and sings for many things
To hold you and kiss you
To love you and miss you. . .
This you know is a Mother's Heart.

Do you know your Mother's Prayer?
One who pleads and groans for qualities your own.
A faith that holds, a conscience that's pure
A wisdom that leads, a salvation thats sure
This, you know, is your Mother's Prayer

Do you know your Mother's Love?
She who is safe and kind and does not bind.
She is patient with you , she gives you her time
She believes in you, as she watches you fly
This you know, is how a Mother loves

Love, Kristin