To make a long story short, we have begun a series of appointments with various doctors. An optometrist diagnosed me with 6th nerve palsy which means the muscle in my left eye has given out and is causing my eye to turn in towards my nose (hence the double vision). There are about 10 possible causes but so far I have none.
My biggest problem in all this has been the headaches that have accompanied me getting used to seeing with one eye. These sent me for a loop and literally had me in bed for the past 3 days. I'm nursing my 5 month old baby boy and so I didn't want to take to much pain reliever. I have been taking the recommended dosage but was worried about a migraine coming on since I wasn't able to go the full length of time without the headache breaking through.
I'm happy to report that a few friends suggested I see a chiropractor. We promptly made an appointment yesterday and after only one treatment the headaches have vanished! Yeah! I can handle walking around with the use of only one eye but not with dizziness and a headache on top of it. Tomorrow is our appointment with the neurologist to rule out a more serious matter that no one seems to want to mention, brain tumor.
Honestly I'd have to say that my attitude was one of despair when we first found out what I have. I guess I forgot to mention that their are different reports of how long this could last. One doctor said 1-3 months but other reports we read online say 6-12 months. Everything we've heard says there is no treatment and sometimes no known cause. I can not drive, read, walk without knowing where my barriers are, or be on the computer. Thankfully, I took typing in high school so I can type with my eyes closed and then have one of my children proof read this before I post it. I want to be willing to accept whatever the Lord has for me but sometimes it takes my flesh time to catch up to this perspective.
We have started a new strategy to help the children be thankful and it has ministered to me, actually, during this time. It goes like this: whenever someone complains, they have to think of 5 things that they are thankful for and share them out loud with the rest of us. I was awake last night not able to sleep and began thinking of the 5 things I'm thankful for.
- God is sovereign! I'm so glad that God is in control of all things and so I can rest assured that he has ordained this for me at this time. Not that he made this happen to me, I won't know until I reach heaven but he has allowed it for whatever reason. Satan cannot work us over without God's permission as in the book of Job in the Bible.
- God knows me personally! A friend reminded me of this over the weekend and said "rest assured, that God knows you and all the needs of your family." This really spoke to my heart as I was worried about the kids being overloaded with responsibility. How will I home school them, make dinner, keep up with laundry, and the list goes on. How grateful I am that God knows every detail of my life and our needs.
- God loves me! I can rejoice in knowing that God does have a wonderful plan for my life. His plan is for me to succeed in my walk with Him. My idea of a wonderful life might not be the same as His but I do know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. He is not punishing me but loving me. Maybe He is correcting me but He only corrects those He loves.
- So far no one has been able to find anything else wrong with me. My health is good and believe me they have run many different tests on me to make sure.
- I'm thankful that I have capable children who can take care of me and Micah when things like this arise. It would be so much more difficult to manage if I had toddlers.